Why Kids Don’t Know What the Titanic Is
There is a page quickly making its rounds on Facebook, consisting of tweets from idiotic tweens who didn’t know that the Titanic was actually a real ship. If there is any justice in the world, when these kids apply to college and jobs in the future, those with the power to make decisions will pull up the tweets, shred the applications, and send these kids on a spaceship headed far away from this planet.
How did this happen? That’s what everyone wants to know. How did we get to the point where people are so stupid that they didn’t know the Titanic was a real ship? In my mind, the answer is pretty simple. There’s too much technology related crap taking up kid’s time and because of that, they’ve stopped reading books. So I’m making an argument here with two clauses, so I guess I have to *prove* them.
Okay, you’re a 12 year-old. Your life consists of getting up in the morning, going to school, maybe doing an after school activity, eating, homework and going to bed. So what do you do in your spare time? You could go upload pictures of your cleavage to Facebook, show everyone what you like on the Internet via Pinterst (I spelled it wrong and I don’t fucking care), you can play Angry Birds for 5 hours straight, you can watch the world collectively make fun of people who just want to try and sing on American Idol, you can watch 16 year olds whine about their birthdays on MTV, the list goes ON AND ON AND ON. All this crap that is basically looking at some sort of screen, reading/watching some sort of crap that does nothing to educate you.
You know what I did at that age? I fucking read books. I didn’t have cable, so TV was basically pointless to watch. There weren’t cell phones and there sure as hell weren’t games on them. The Internet wasn’t invented (or maybe it was, but it wasn’t fast enough to even load Gmail) so I didn’t waste time on a computer. I walked to the fucking library in the shopping mall nearby and I read books. You know what I learned from reading before I was a teenager?
-all about Steven Spielberg and the making of Jaws
-how an early special effects technician pasted cutouts of sailors onto ants and had them run around a burning model ship to film a disaster sequence
-that the “crash of 1929 didn’t involve any vehicles
-that there was a chemical leak in India that killed a LOT of people and one guy saved a bunch of people on a train by not allowing it to stop in his station
-that there are things called space shuttles and one of them exploded in 1986 and it was a national tragedy
-that there was a series of children’s books involving a kid named Fudge
-that King snakes could eat other snakes
-that there are a lot of blurry photos of UFOs
AND YES, THAT THE TITANIC WAS A REAL FUCKING SHIP